eighteen

what you need is all around you.

the last post of 2011. I’m thinking it should be something monumental. so I go searching through my lists of fortune cookie sayings seeking the sound of trumpets pronouncing greatness.

listening. listening. and then a small ‘bing’ registers in my head. and I have it.

the funny part is I’ve always had it. that is what is monumental about this post. all that I have been wondering. worrying. waivering. about has been there all the time. faith. love. happiness. self-worth. gratitude. graciousness. all within my grasp. I can reach out. gently keep hold. sometimes letting go (whether in wisdom or fear). knowing in due time it will return.

but the truth is for me to take hold I must let go. know myself. be true. be honest in what I can do. handle. juggle. let slip through my fingers. I must trust in the fact that to hold it in my hands is not always the key. I can hold it in my heart. in my head. and it will remain. as beautiful as always.

peace.

seventeen

be merry.

and bright. in thought. word and deed. indeed.

be kind. be thankful. be grateful. be graceful. be the best part of us.

peace.

sixteen

nothing is impossible to a willing heart.

lately I’ve been learning a lot about myself. studying really. reading. thinking. reacting. responding. there are things I’m liking. and those not so much. but I realize that I must understand what I do not like to react and respond. choose love, not fear baby.

but I am afraid. quite a bit actually. sometimes overwhelming so. and no matter how much I repeat the mantra, love not fear, fear pulls ahead. I know I am not alone in my feelings. my fearfulness. but I also know I am surrounded by love. in my prayers each night as I talk with god I thank him for that love that is all around me. my head. my heart. every fiber of my being. every step I take. forward or backward. it’s all in the journey.

and I am oh so compliant to the task(s) at hand. able. enthusiastic. still a work in progress. but working toward progress. gracefully.

peace.

fifteen

you are almost there.

good. now where am I going?

I ask myself this question daily. this week I have approached life with a determination to settle the unsettled. but for some reason, today I stopped to think. is it really necessary to have a destination? after all. it is the almost the end of the year. I simply want to be caught up in the life and love of the season.

so as for today and till the end of 2011 I will adopt the mentality to ‘put down that map and get wonderfully lost.’

peace.

fourteen

welcome change.

the first day of December. another year has hurried. my, how time flies. and goes in and out – like a lion and a lamb. sometimes progressing. sometimes stagnating. sometimes wonderfully stationary. never a dull moment.

I’m not sure what to expect from 2012. but I’m ready for a bit of adventure. to embrace life newly discovered. I look forward to examining some new principles learned here.

courage.
compassion.
connection.

these words join my mantra to choose love not fear baby. because when we choose we

~ make the world around us a little braver and the people a little better.
~ find a healthier way of relating to myself and others. gracefully.
~ expand our capacities to include connection at every turn and it's about practicing what it means to be brave in love.

these definitions come from wise women. Brené Brown. Kristin Neff. Kelly Rae Roberts. but until put into motion are only words on a page. practice makes (im)perfect.

peace.

thirteen

let the light shine from within.

today is a day of thanksgiving. a day to count blessings. spend surrounded by love. faith. joy. there is a favorite saying of mine, ‘grace isn’t something you say at the end of a meal, it is a way of living’. and I must practice what I preach.

I am reading a book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. she encourages us to live and love with a whole heart. I am about half way through the book and with each page I feel newly aware. hopeful. encouraged. I am seeing that the process of setting the course of this stage of my life - determining my path, directing my goals – is as much (if not more) a matter of understanding myself as it is of figuring out what I want to do when I grow up.

but the book and it’s highly researched, but realistically simple common-sense approach, to living life has begun to shape me. to examine my life. how I live it. how I can live it, in Brené’s word, wholeheartedly. to examine all the emotions that make up our being human. make us who and what we are. act how we do. interact. react.

this sense of discovery is enlightening. humbling. understanding, although just begun, is power. and power, as she describes it is ‘the ability to affect change’.

I am learning. and oh so thankful.

peace.

twelve

miles are covered one step at a time.

some things are coming together. baby steps in the scheme of things, but small progress is welcome progress. but I will admit to being afraid. anxious. enthusiastic about what the rapidly approaching new year can hold. not will hold. can hold. and isn’t that a brilliant thought? because as I think about the future it is up to me to fill it. and accept the reality of the rules of the road.

~ take your time.
~ choose your path welcoming detours.
~ use caution.
~ savor the journey.

as a favorite blogger, watermusic, says it’s either fear or love baby. and like her I choose love. but it seems like no matter what I choose the fear looms big in the shadows. I want a bumper sticker that reads ‘love always wins.’

I think I have mentioned a time or twenty that I am a good procrastinator. and I know that needs to change. for the good. because as I put things off it get only looks bad to ugly. but in contemplating why I excel in the delay, I cannot pinpoint it. other than to say I can be lazy. is that an okay thing to admit to? I see others in my life and my make-believe blogging friends doing great things. and I feel a bit intimidated. but I must admit I can be awesome (with a lot of help from my friends). I say that with all humility. and hope. I can be the one that accomplishes a task. be the person that people come to for help. I so enjoy the task. the camaraderie. the teamwork. the shared success.

I have come to an understanding with myself that it is okay to say no. and I have done that this year. selfishly taken some time for myself. to do absolutely nothing. and there is joy in that. and lonliness. and want. and desire. and love. and fear.

as for the fear? it can loom. I need to accept that it is there. ever present. take it as a challenge to motivate me. inspire me. carefully.

so let’s get back to the task. walk the walk. putting one foot in front of the other takes some time and determination to get there. maybe a little backtracking.
re-evaluation. but the adventure is glorious.

peace.

eleven

put your mind into planning today.

it is the beginning of November. moving closer, at what seems great speed, to the end of the year. and I have been planning.

holidays and the New Year and all the days in between make me think of revelations not resolutions. ideas. mental wanderings. concerns. blessings. joyful ponderings.

in the weeks to come (as in the few weeks past) I am thoughtful. grateful. inspired. prayerful.

but ever so unorganized.

peace.

ten

every flower blooms in its own sweet time.

I recently left my job. and since my departure I have been a bit out of sorts. partially enjoying the freedom of retirement. but a lot of missing the people I worked with. the comfort of a schedule. and the sense of validation. the few months that I have been ‘free’ have given me more cause to reflect on what I want to be when I grow up. a question I have been asking myself for quite some time now.

it is not that I don’t have a wealth of things I want to do. or need to do. or should do. it is finding the motivation to get any of them done. and I selfishly use the 12 step program to make excuses. denial. causes. reasons. for not accomplishing more at this stage of my life. but the truth is I can be lazy. self-absorbed. and oh so the procrastinator. always thinking I will begin tomorrow. but never quite do.

many of my friends are experiencing the very same dilemma. this crossroads between having to work. wanting to work. wanting to help. having time. needing to contribute. these friends are comforting in many ways. a shoulder to pout on. a helping hand. safety in numbers. an invaluable buddy system to weed through a jumble of questions. generating more questions. seeking answers.

this morning I read an inspiring piece from Kristin Noelle (trust tending) who talked about impact. she writes ...

‘I wanted to matter, for sure. so there was the need for validation in my mix. but I also felt intensely like I had good things to offer the world, and like something important was getting hidden or wasted by all my private years. such a pity, my bones would groan.’ and goes on to say ‘give that part of you a hug and wish her well and go back to your business of being awed by the ways the little things aren’t little at all, and the quiet seasons of dormancy, and the frenetic seasons of young parenthood, and tumultuous seasons of private upheaval, and those stretches where you just don’t care and want to numb out to it all: all of them are of impact, and are necessary for the shedding of old things and the cultivation and growth of what’s new.’

such words are a push for me. and I think that is the beauty of the blogging world. gentle hiney-kicking. affirmation. reassurance. hope. love. simple words that say you are not alone. these feelings you have are normal. not everyone is a superhero. it’s okay to fail. okay to succeed. question. spark. sputter. cultivate. discover. try and try again. be perfectly imperfect.

embrace an important realization of the need to simply start. plant. grow. blossom.

I am oh so ready.

peace.

nine

everyday in your life is a special occasion.

the month of October is a happy time around here. it holds a plethora of birthdays. and we love to celebrate. no one should consider the day just another ‘x’ on the calendar. it is a day to be pampered. spoiled. recognized. loved. downright adored.

but then I stopped to think of why we don’t treat each other kindly and considerately the other 364 days out of the year. and it truly came to mind this morning when my husband called to say he was in a little fender bender. turns out he was in the drive thru line at Starbucks when another driver backed into him. everyone is okay – damage is minimal. but he said people were screaming at him to get out of the way. move his car. stop blocking traffic. I asked if anyone asked if he (or the other driver) were okay. if anyone offered assistance. a helping hand. he said no. just folks upset that they weren’t getting their double mocha frappuccino.

now I digress here a bit. tying in birthday celebrations and everyday courtesy. but it is not such a far stretch to think that one good deed begets another. and that same kindness. compassion. care you show to a loved one on a special day in their year shouldn’t be extended to a neighbor – known or unknown – every day of the year. a special occasion.

there is a saying that goes ’be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares’. that is only the half of it. we should behave well because it is the basis of being human.

peace.

eight

happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink.

I attended a meeting this morning where a group gathered to better relations between a local university and the community. the goal to make our smallish city a college town. right now we are a town with a college. for decades the two have politely mingled but always stayed fairly separate. there is a definite disconnect between the two twains. the university has much to offer the community. culture. sports. art. education. the city has much to offer the students, faculty and administration. win-win.

a panel discussion comprised of students and faculty addressed the 50-odd attendees. some good points were made. create a more welcoming environment for the students. inform the campus population of special events and happenings. offer more convenient business hours and specials to students. establish walking and/or bike paths between campus and the historic downtown. all noble suggestions. ideas that accommodate student, staff and the general public. good for the city and good for the university. everyone benefits. and everyone is in agreement.

problem solved.

I smile. I wink. my stomach knots. not to be sarcastic. but i’ve heard the tune before. same lyrics. different vocalists. with each new generation of student and business leaders the same suggestions are made. all are in agreement. and somehow. somewhere. somewhy. the issues still exist. the key to it all is as simple as solving the problems of the world. communication. how hard can that be? we can all work together. for the common good. stand proud on that soapbox. shout from the highest point. we can do it. all we have to do is listen and work together. never never never give up!

let me be the first to sing the praises of the plan. let everyone join in on the chorus. repeat I am part of the solution. tell me how to help. give me a task. but it needs to be more than talk. if not it becomes rhetoric. worse yet, apathy and frustration. and where does that lead? nowheresville. and we’ve spent too much time in that town already.

it is a basic need, happiness. key to survival. essential to co-existence. easy. challenging. oh so accomplishable. it is a beginning. optimistic? idealistic? you bet.let’s go!

peace.

seven

a truly rich life contains love and art in abundance.

Marc Chagall said ‘in our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. it is the color of love.’ I don’t know what the color of love is. but I have learned to appreciate. savor. absorb. both. my life is blessed but still is relatively poor in understanding the meaning of either.

I am a thespian. a miser. a banker. a philanthroper. an eager student. desperate at times to know the true definition. content at times by the simple concept. delighted always in the beauty of both.

peace.

six

blame it on the dog.

at the end of last month I was inspired to challenge myself to write every day for the 31 days of October. excited, I knew that I would start on a pet project and that the premise of the 31 days would carry me forward. encourage me. ever onward. unfortunately, I am now six days into the 31 day quest and have not jotted down one word of toward my mission. good grief.

I had coffee with a friend this morning. she is asking for my help on a little project of her own. we work well together. two peas of complimentary colors. she took up the 31 day journey without fail. and like a good friend, encouraged me to get an albeit late start. but always better late than never.

revealed in my delayed start are three rather simple things.

one procrastination isn’t a pretty thing. sometimes helpful. usually guilt ridden. a promise made to myself. broken by none other. not the end of the world, but disappointing to me. and definitely something that I can easily improve upon. starting today.

two friendship is the perfect blendship. it enables us to succeed and fail equally. dramatically. and land softly with a hand outstretched to applaud or help us up.

three dogs are the best. they love unconditionally. care exponentially. give unendingly. just a look into their soulful eyes make me a better kinder person. I want to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

my furry child and faithful companion is not at fault. he remains ever vigil. always there to listen. give paws to reflect. and allow me to start the month of October a few days late.










peace.

five

a soft voice may be awfully persuasive.

I have always felt that a little kindness is the best weapon. and I define weapon as a tool. nothing threatening or radical. simply a means to an end.

a smile can change an attitude. a please or thank you can open doors. a courteous act can work wonders. raise spirits. ease tension. get results.

Jacqueline Winspear said ‘grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. it's a way to live.’ grace is defined as good will. and what an attitude to carry around. hold in your heart. rinse and repeat. and all the better to embrace each day with a kindness in your heart. a soft approach to an, at times, harsh world. you don’t have to speak in a whisper. but use an ‘inside voice’ and heads will turn. listen. learn. abide. behave. and rejoice in the power of cooperation.

peace.

four

someone you care about seeks reconciliation.

I value my friends. I am nothing if not for them. their strength. their compassion and understanding. their love. when those relationships are off center my world simply does not spin evenly.

I have a good friend that I no longer see. we were once the best of friends. our separate lives with all the individual twists and turns simply got in the way and we drifted apart. and I miss her. desperately at times. she is always in my heart. I think of calling her, I intend to. I’ll do it tomorrow I think. my road is paved with good intentions. so I ask myself why do I make excuses. procrastination is a terrible affliction.

I have a friend of a friend that I no longer see. we might could have been friends but a few things got in the way. and now the tension hangs in the air. so thick you could cut it with a knife. the anxiety has spread so now not even names are mentioned in a conversation for fear of an emotional storm. I think how did the situation become so ugly. I so want it to be resolved. at the very least eased. Because living in such a tumultuous state is unhealthy. unhappy. utterly ridiculous.

so what is the secret of a successful relationship? time. talk. tolerance. not always in that order. friendship is a fragile thing. easily gained. more easily lost. most easily confused. but I know the answer is not neglect. ignoring a situation only makes any resolution harder. there is a saying that goes 'if two people let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows - it becomes a month, a year, a century; it becomes too late.' time heals all wounds is not the mantra.

trust tending writes ‘I’m uncomfortable with the assumption that ignoring the “bad” stuff – difficult emotions, painful memories – will make them or their power go away. it is true that wallowing around in yuck will not translate immediately (or sometimes ever) into rainbows and sunbeams. I want to testify to the transformative effects of welcoming, rather than pushing away, things like bitterness, jealousy, anger, lust, depression, shame, and difficult memories.’

behold the power of a conversation. revealer of vulnerability. it may not be easy. but is it easy to live with the feeling of things unresolved? turn the fear into asking why-not? could it possibly be worse than what haunts us daily? and just think. once it is there on the table. even if it is not settled at least it is out in the open. no more interpretations. misguided ideas. a little honest conversation never hurt. at least not for long. and the end result is, at the very best, liberating.

if I am totally honest here I will confess that the one that seeks reconciliation is me. to a certain extent it is all about me. I so want to share the effect. I am tired of the waiting and the angst. the tension and the hurt. the lost opportunity for joy. I am ready. I am hopeful.

peace.

three

believe it can be done.

I continue to discover the road to happiness. a highway that is winding. dotted with beautiful scenery. tacky souvenir shops. bleak landscapes. luscious views. pot-holed. smooth and newly paved. hilly. straight. sharp bends. where I can speed along. slow down. use caution. drive with reckless abandon. and loving care.

I have always wanted a jeep. nothing fancy. not even new. I prefer the older models with the removable canvas top [I do have two requirements however … a) that it is equipped with a dock for my iPod because what is the journey without a little music and b) that it is fitted with a vanity plate because everyone deserves to share their quirky individuality]. a vehicle that is not all that practical but downright cool. not overly spacious but roomy enough to hold me, a friend, a dog or two, a duffel bag, a picnic blanket and a cooler. not too big or too small. just right to take on life’s adventures or keep mundane tasks less so. something that will make the most of every trip. and make the journey so much more enjoyable.

I think if I adopt that jeep mentality I can travel the road of life a bit more smoothly. I believe it can be done. to live a life of nothing fancy. not all the time practical but downright cool. big enough to hold me and those I love, furry and otherwise. savor the adventure and the routine. mind the rules. have fun. carefully. consciously. considerately. travel with a song in my heart.

peace.

two

dedicate yourself with a calm mind to the task at hand.

easy to say. hard to do. my mind is anything but calm these days. my thoughts flitter between subjects. jobs. tasks. my to-do list grows. and I am already behind in my hope to have a little stock of posts ready to go. oh well. let’s just take a deep breath and move along shall we?

the point to all this is to not get caught up in the fuss. the fuss leads to anxiety. stress. turmoil. and that leads to conflict. sure there are deadlines that must be met. whether self-imposed or business driven. we all need a time line to keep on target. but when the task takes over. becomes burdensome. unmanageable. weighty. we must realize that when the task becomes un-fun it literally threatens us. our well-being. self-worth. and our relationships. whether personal or professional.

can we learn a lesson from mom? take a time out. give yourself a break. walk away. if only for a minute or two. take a deep breath. this too shall pass. the pile on your desk. the details in your head. they’ll all be there when you return. but you’ll come back with a new focus. a clearer perspective. a steadier hand. a new sense of worth and purpose. and undoubtedly find an answer right on top of the pile. or at our doorstep.














peace.

one

you begin to appreciate how important it is to share your personal beliefs.

lately my conversations have a recurring theme; frustration and anxiety with the way of the world. listen to the news or read the paper and it seems we generally dislike one another. a focus on intolerance. rivalry. bitterness. self-preservation. negativity. we just can’t seem to get along. work together. live together. and folks like me are getting pretty darn tired of it.

not that it matters in the scheme of things (but now isn’t that the apathetic mindset that gets us into trouble), but I’ve decided to take on a little campaign of my own. to share the good. the happy. the mundane and the exciting. to show in my own way that compassion and kindness is contagious. that you get what you give so give what you want. that working together we can save the world or at the very least ourselves; one little corner at a time.

so here is my premise. I love Chinese food. it is sweet and spicy. I savor the simple goodness of the little cookie at the end of the meal. that appreciation is twofold. the delicate dessert holds palatable treasures both in taste and message. I have a little collection of wisdoms saved over the years. I have gleaned some additional messages from countless sites on the internet. and I think if a little cookie can give encouragement, hope and ignite that spark to change an attitude; well I can pass it on. and for the next year, once a week, I will share the inner goodness.

omikuji translates roughly as random fortunes. today’s fortune cookies are thought to be derived from these messages of hope. I love the word. happiness in four syllables. meaningful in that our lives are filled with blessings; even when received as challenges or obstacles. life can be a box of chocolates; a piece of cake. or perhaps a tasty little cookie.

peace.