ten

every flower blooms in its own sweet time.

I recently left my job. and since my departure I have been a bit out of sorts. partially enjoying the freedom of retirement. but a lot of missing the people I worked with. the comfort of a schedule. and the sense of validation. the few months that I have been ‘free’ have given me more cause to reflect on what I want to be when I grow up. a question I have been asking myself for quite some time now.

it is not that I don’t have a wealth of things I want to do. or need to do. or should do. it is finding the motivation to get any of them done. and I selfishly use the 12 step program to make excuses. denial. causes. reasons. for not accomplishing more at this stage of my life. but the truth is I can be lazy. self-absorbed. and oh so the procrastinator. always thinking I will begin tomorrow. but never quite do.

many of my friends are experiencing the very same dilemma. this crossroads between having to work. wanting to work. wanting to help. having time. needing to contribute. these friends are comforting in many ways. a shoulder to pout on. a helping hand. safety in numbers. an invaluable buddy system to weed through a jumble of questions. generating more questions. seeking answers.

this morning I read an inspiring piece from Kristin Noelle (trust tending) who talked about impact. she writes ...

‘I wanted to matter, for sure. so there was the need for validation in my mix. but I also felt intensely like I had good things to offer the world, and like something important was getting hidden or wasted by all my private years. such a pity, my bones would groan.’ and goes on to say ‘give that part of you a hug and wish her well and go back to your business of being awed by the ways the little things aren’t little at all, and the quiet seasons of dormancy, and the frenetic seasons of young parenthood, and tumultuous seasons of private upheaval, and those stretches where you just don’t care and want to numb out to it all: all of them are of impact, and are necessary for the shedding of old things and the cultivation and growth of what’s new.’

such words are a push for me. and I think that is the beauty of the blogging world. gentle hiney-kicking. affirmation. reassurance. hope. love. simple words that say you are not alone. these feelings you have are normal. not everyone is a superhero. it’s okay to fail. okay to succeed. question. spark. sputter. cultivate. discover. try and try again. be perfectly imperfect.

embrace an important realization of the need to simply start. plant. grow. blossom.

I am oh so ready.

peace.