four

someone you care about seeks reconciliation.

I value my friends. I am nothing if not for them. their strength. their compassion and understanding. their love. when those relationships are off center my world simply does not spin evenly.

I have a good friend that I no longer see. we were once the best of friends. our separate lives with all the individual twists and turns simply got in the way and we drifted apart. and I miss her. desperately at times. she is always in my heart. I think of calling her, I intend to. I’ll do it tomorrow I think. my road is paved with good intentions. so I ask myself why do I make excuses. procrastination is a terrible affliction.

I have a friend of a friend that I no longer see. we might could have been friends but a few things got in the way. and now the tension hangs in the air. so thick you could cut it with a knife. the anxiety has spread so now not even names are mentioned in a conversation for fear of an emotional storm. I think how did the situation become so ugly. I so want it to be resolved. at the very least eased. Because living in such a tumultuous state is unhealthy. unhappy. utterly ridiculous.

so what is the secret of a successful relationship? time. talk. tolerance. not always in that order. friendship is a fragile thing. easily gained. more easily lost. most easily confused. but I know the answer is not neglect. ignoring a situation only makes any resolution harder. there is a saying that goes 'if two people let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows - it becomes a month, a year, a century; it becomes too late.' time heals all wounds is not the mantra.

trust tending writes ‘I’m uncomfortable with the assumption that ignoring the “bad” stuff – difficult emotions, painful memories – will make them or their power go away. it is true that wallowing around in yuck will not translate immediately (or sometimes ever) into rainbows and sunbeams. I want to testify to the transformative effects of welcoming, rather than pushing away, things like bitterness, jealousy, anger, lust, depression, shame, and difficult memories.’

behold the power of a conversation. revealer of vulnerability. it may not be easy. but is it easy to live with the feeling of things unresolved? turn the fear into asking why-not? could it possibly be worse than what haunts us daily? and just think. once it is there on the table. even if it is not settled at least it is out in the open. no more interpretations. misguided ideas. a little honest conversation never hurt. at least not for long. and the end result is, at the very best, liberating.

if I am totally honest here I will confess that the one that seeks reconciliation is me. to a certain extent it is all about me. I so want to share the effect. I am tired of the waiting and the angst. the tension and the hurt. the lost opportunity for joy. I am ready. I am hopeful.

peace.