twelve

miles are covered one step at a time.

some things are coming together. baby steps in the scheme of things, but small progress is welcome progress. but I will admit to being afraid. anxious. enthusiastic about what the rapidly approaching new year can hold. not will hold. can hold. and isn’t that a brilliant thought? because as I think about the future it is up to me to fill it. and accept the reality of the rules of the road.

~ take your time.
~ choose your path welcoming detours.
~ use caution.
~ savor the journey.

as a favorite blogger, watermusic, says it’s either fear or love baby. and like her I choose love. but it seems like no matter what I choose the fear looms big in the shadows. I want a bumper sticker that reads ‘love always wins.’

I think I have mentioned a time or twenty that I am a good procrastinator. and I know that needs to change. for the good. because as I put things off it get only looks bad to ugly. but in contemplating why I excel in the delay, I cannot pinpoint it. other than to say I can be lazy. is that an okay thing to admit to? I see others in my life and my make-believe blogging friends doing great things. and I feel a bit intimidated. but I must admit I can be awesome (with a lot of help from my friends). I say that with all humility. and hope. I can be the one that accomplishes a task. be the person that people come to for help. I so enjoy the task. the camaraderie. the teamwork. the shared success.

I have come to an understanding with myself that it is okay to say no. and I have done that this year. selfishly taken some time for myself. to do absolutely nothing. and there is joy in that. and lonliness. and want. and desire. and love. and fear.

as for the fear? it can loom. I need to accept that it is there. ever present. take it as a challenge to motivate me. inspire me. carefully.

so let’s get back to the task. walk the walk. putting one foot in front of the other takes some time and determination to get there. maybe a little backtracking.
re-evaluation. but the adventure is glorious.

peace.

eleven

put your mind into planning today.

it is the beginning of November. moving closer, at what seems great speed, to the end of the year. and I have been planning.

holidays and the New Year and all the days in between make me think of revelations not resolutions. ideas. mental wanderings. concerns. blessings. joyful ponderings.

in the weeks to come (as in the few weeks past) I am thoughtful. grateful. inspired. prayerful.

but ever so unorganized.

peace.

ten

every flower blooms in its own sweet time.

I recently left my job. and since my departure I have been a bit out of sorts. partially enjoying the freedom of retirement. but a lot of missing the people I worked with. the comfort of a schedule. and the sense of validation. the few months that I have been ‘free’ have given me more cause to reflect on what I want to be when I grow up. a question I have been asking myself for quite some time now.

it is not that I don’t have a wealth of things I want to do. or need to do. or should do. it is finding the motivation to get any of them done. and I selfishly use the 12 step program to make excuses. denial. causes. reasons. for not accomplishing more at this stage of my life. but the truth is I can be lazy. self-absorbed. and oh so the procrastinator. always thinking I will begin tomorrow. but never quite do.

many of my friends are experiencing the very same dilemma. this crossroads between having to work. wanting to work. wanting to help. having time. needing to contribute. these friends are comforting in many ways. a shoulder to pout on. a helping hand. safety in numbers. an invaluable buddy system to weed through a jumble of questions. generating more questions. seeking answers.

this morning I read an inspiring piece from Kristin Noelle (trust tending) who talked about impact. she writes ...

‘I wanted to matter, for sure. so there was the need for validation in my mix. but I also felt intensely like I had good things to offer the world, and like something important was getting hidden or wasted by all my private years. such a pity, my bones would groan.’ and goes on to say ‘give that part of you a hug and wish her well and go back to your business of being awed by the ways the little things aren’t little at all, and the quiet seasons of dormancy, and the frenetic seasons of young parenthood, and tumultuous seasons of private upheaval, and those stretches where you just don’t care and want to numb out to it all: all of them are of impact, and are necessary for the shedding of old things and the cultivation and growth of what’s new.’

such words are a push for me. and I think that is the beauty of the blogging world. gentle hiney-kicking. affirmation. reassurance. hope. love. simple words that say you are not alone. these feelings you have are normal. not everyone is a superhero. it’s okay to fail. okay to succeed. question. spark. sputter. cultivate. discover. try and try again. be perfectly imperfect.

embrace an important realization of the need to simply start. plant. grow. blossom.

I am oh so ready.

peace.

nine

everyday in your life is a special occasion.

the month of October is a happy time around here. it holds a plethora of birthdays. and we love to celebrate. no one should consider the day just another ‘x’ on the calendar. it is a day to be pampered. spoiled. recognized. loved. downright adored.

but then I stopped to think of why we don’t treat each other kindly and considerately the other 364 days out of the year. and it truly came to mind this morning when my husband called to say he was in a little fender bender. turns out he was in the drive thru line at Starbucks when another driver backed into him. everyone is okay – damage is minimal. but he said people were screaming at him to get out of the way. move his car. stop blocking traffic. I asked if anyone asked if he (or the other driver) were okay. if anyone offered assistance. a helping hand. he said no. just folks upset that they weren’t getting their double mocha frappuccino.

now I digress here a bit. tying in birthday celebrations and everyday courtesy. but it is not such a far stretch to think that one good deed begets another. and that same kindness. compassion. care you show to a loved one on a special day in their year shouldn’t be extended to a neighbor – known or unknown – every day of the year. a special occasion.

there is a saying that goes ’be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares’. that is only the half of it. we should behave well because it is the basis of being human.

peace.

eight

happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink.

I attended a meeting this morning where a group gathered to better relations between a local university and the community. the goal to make our smallish city a college town. right now we are a town with a college. for decades the two have politely mingled but always stayed fairly separate. there is a definite disconnect between the two twains. the university has much to offer the community. culture. sports. art. education. the city has much to offer the students, faculty and administration. win-win.

a panel discussion comprised of students and faculty addressed the 50-odd attendees. some good points were made. create a more welcoming environment for the students. inform the campus population of special events and happenings. offer more convenient business hours and specials to students. establish walking and/or bike paths between campus and the historic downtown. all noble suggestions. ideas that accommodate student, staff and the general public. good for the city and good for the university. everyone benefits. and everyone is in agreement.

problem solved.

I smile. I wink. my stomach knots. not to be sarcastic. but i’ve heard the tune before. same lyrics. different vocalists. with each new generation of student and business leaders the same suggestions are made. all are in agreement. and somehow. somewhere. somewhy. the issues still exist. the key to it all is as simple as solving the problems of the world. communication. how hard can that be? we can all work together. for the common good. stand proud on that soapbox. shout from the highest point. we can do it. all we have to do is listen and work together. never never never give up!

let me be the first to sing the praises of the plan. let everyone join in on the chorus. repeat I am part of the solution. tell me how to help. give me a task. but it needs to be more than talk. if not it becomes rhetoric. worse yet, apathy and frustration. and where does that lead? nowheresville. and we’ve spent too much time in that town already.

it is a basic need, happiness. key to survival. essential to co-existence. easy. challenging. oh so accomplishable. it is a beginning. optimistic? idealistic? you bet.let’s go!

peace.

seven

a truly rich life contains love and art in abundance.

Marc Chagall said ‘in our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. it is the color of love.’ I don’t know what the color of love is. but I have learned to appreciate. savor. absorb. both. my life is blessed but still is relatively poor in understanding the meaning of either.

I am a thespian. a miser. a banker. a philanthroper. an eager student. desperate at times to know the true definition. content at times by the simple concept. delighted always in the beauty of both.

peace.

six

blame it on the dog.

at the end of last month I was inspired to challenge myself to write every day for the 31 days of October. excited, I knew that I would start on a pet project and that the premise of the 31 days would carry me forward. encourage me. ever onward. unfortunately, I am now six days into the 31 day quest and have not jotted down one word of toward my mission. good grief.

I had coffee with a friend this morning. she is asking for my help on a little project of her own. we work well together. two peas of complimentary colors. she took up the 31 day journey without fail. and like a good friend, encouraged me to get an albeit late start. but always better late than never.

revealed in my delayed start are three rather simple things.

one procrastination isn’t a pretty thing. sometimes helpful. usually guilt ridden. a promise made to myself. broken by none other. not the end of the world, but disappointing to me. and definitely something that I can easily improve upon. starting today.

two friendship is the perfect blendship. it enables us to succeed and fail equally. dramatically. and land softly with a hand outstretched to applaud or help us up.

three dogs are the best. they love unconditionally. care exponentially. give unendingly. just a look into their soulful eyes make me a better kinder person. I want to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

my furry child and faithful companion is not at fault. he remains ever vigil. always there to listen. give paws to reflect. and allow me to start the month of October a few days late.










peace.