in conclusion

something else is about to begin.

a year has pass since I began my random fortune project. my original goal was to spread a little wisdom through gentle words of kindness, courtesy and tolerance.

but it really evolved into, oh my, this amazing experience.

I have learned realized quite a bit about myself. and others. at times exploration. at times a whine trail. at times discovery. it took some twists and turns. sometimes focused. sometimes meandering. but very satisfying. very satisfying indeed.

I thought I would leave you with some random thoughts. tidbits. miscellany. notions and snippets. a random list of inspiration. I thought I could read back through 52 posts and pick out my favorites. garner wisdom. pass it on. but in truth I cannot. ‘life is a journey’, she says in all earnest. wholeheartedly.

so ends my time at omijuki. but if you want to follow my adventures please visit me at at magnolia’s end. and thanks again for traveling along. and listening. and understanding.

peace.

fifty two

planning exactly what you want to happen leaves no room for the magic of what’s meant to happen.

I am a planner. I am a list maker. and a crosser-offer. and an over-thinker. not an over-achiever. I like to be thorough. and creative. and inventive. at times simple. ordinary. extraordinary. but at times it is just best to let things go. happen. materialize. mesmerize. that is so easier said than done.

there is wonder in those things you pull out of a hat. random. unexpected. wonderful.

a touch. a nod. a meaningful glance. a by-chance meeting. a knowing smile. a plan that comes together. and even those that fall apart.

and isn’t that what it is all about? magic.

peace.

fifty one

taste your words before you spit them out.

it is a privilege. a blessing. to have a friend(s) that I can talk with without reservation. I have those friends. and I am using them more and more these days. it is comforting. consoling. reassuring. to talk. to listen. and be heard.

it is freeing to talk without fear. just in love. with my wholeheart.

my words and conversations can be sweet. and bitter. and a combination of both. but I treasure those that allow me to be on both the giving and receiving end.

and I admit that sometime I spit. spatter. choke. swallow. but sometimes I sing.

peace.

fifty

the clock talks loud.

now that I’m working I find the days pass at an even greater rate. no moment is free. and I eagerly look at my diary to see an empty line. hour. day. and finding an entire blank page. oh heaven!

but I am loving my new schedule. even with the shortness of breath. how is it possible to get more done in less time. to my ownself, you are a recovering procrastinator. and I treasure my to-do list. and find great satisfaction in my done-list.

I am very happy at this very moment. busy. full. content. supported. positive. I continue to want. wish. dream. for things out of reach. but given time, they are surely within my grasp.

peace.

forty nine

listening is the beginning of prayer.

I believe that God gives.

He gives us one another. He enables us to find those special people that bring joy. hope. satisfaction. contentment. love.

He gives us strength to hold on. keep up. wait. move forward.

He gives us patience. kindness. grace. humor. tears.

He gives us ability. emotion. communication. dedication. tolerance. forgiveness.

all those things start with listening. inside our own heads. hearts. outside with arms open wide.

He gives us a choice. I choose love.

peace.

forty eight

one cannot think crooked and walk straight.

in the Tao of Pooh I found a few life lessons.

things are as they are.
everything has its own function. when you know and respect your own inner nature, you know where you belong. you also know where you don’t belong.

recognize what’s there.
we all have certain limitations and we know what they are. act accordingly. there’s nothing wrong with trying, but there can be lots of things wrong with blindly trying to do what you aren’t designed to do. that doesn’t mean we need to stop changing and improving. the wise know their limitations.

act smart.
we don’t know everything. we don’t really need to know. recognize the inner nature. work with things as they are.

follow the way of self-reliance.
recognize who we are. what we’ve got to work with. what works best for us. we will discover things we don’t like about ourselves. then we can decide what we want to do with them. do we want to get rid of them completely? change them into other things? or use them in beneficial ways?

the wise are who they are.
work with what you’ve got. do what you can do. each of us has something special. there are things about ourselves that we need to get rid of or change. we do not need to be too ruthless or combative. along the way to usefulness and happiness, many of those things will change themselves and the others can be worked on as we go. but we need to trust our own inner nature and not lose sight of it. inside each of us is something special, and that we need to keep.

peace.

forty seven

praise the bridge that carried you over.

I’ve mentioned several dozen hundred times how I find inspiration on beautiful blogs. my no-negativity friend wrote today about inspiration that she found in the form of a little ruffle-swimsuited, floatie-adorned girl, swimming with her father. I wanted to share a snippet from her post.

however, I do have God and I have gratitude. if there is a secret to the universe it’s gratitude. gratitude is the grown up version of plastic water wings. it will shift you out of a negative mind set quicker than anything I know, so while I was putting on my make-up I counted all the ways and all the people who love me. I listed the many blessings in my life, the innumerable ways God shows his love for me. I filled myself up with gratitude for the way things are right now, just as they are until I was bursting with it and off I went.

let us be grateful. gracious. inspired.

peace.

forty six

grow: firmer, simpler, quieter, warmer.

and while we’re at it:
stronger
braver
kinder
keener
better
prayful
thankful
happier
graciously
courteous
capable
continuously

and we’ll grow more beautiful.

peace.

forty five

be excited for all of the good things to come.

I see potential. promise. I also see the work involved to make it so. it is nice to have things handed to you. on a silver platter. but it is in the hunt. the fight. the search. the victory. the failure. the adventure. the longing. the struggle. the hope. the dreams. the camaraderie. that we truly achieve.

peace.

forty four

being happy is not always being perfect.

brene brown writes ‘healthy striving is self-focused ... how can I improve? perfectionism is other-focused ... what will they think? to overcome perfectionism we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities and practice self-compassion. our truest gifts are courage, compassion and connection.’

I turn to her words often. they comfort me. teach me. console me. reassure me. remind me. ‘there’s a crack in everything. that’s how the light gets in.’

peace.

forty three

the day that counts up its birds never gets the answer right.

I know. I know. it doesn't make sense. that is the kind of week I have had. lots of things going on. too many things to think about. too much to deal with. conflict. decisions. short conversations. long interviews. happy. sad. resolved and not-so-much.

I am ready for this month to end. but then it's July. and the year is half over. and I wonder where the time has gone. what has happened to all those things that took so much time. thought. agnst. worry. joy. some still linger. some best forgotten. some just remain.

peace.

forty two

kindness is in our power.

I wonder why people choose to be unkind. it is simply ugly. and oh so draining.

my sister-in-law when confronted by the unfriendly, unwilling, un-understandable says ‘good for them’. a friend has a similar dismissal, ‘isn’t that nice’. and truly, there isn’t anything to say that can justify some behavior. it is neither good or nice.

I am as guilty as the next of losing my temper. but I always. always. feel badly about it a moment later. and I’ve made a conscious effort to count to ten. reconsider my answer. choose my words. because lashing out is just plain hurtful. to the person receiving the lashing. and even more so to the one whose tongue just uttered the words. hate destroys. from the inside out. it lingers. festers. drains the very essence from us.

I came across a quote recently that read ‘be kind. for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.’ and I think that the problems of the world – or my little corner of it – could be practically eliminated if we just chose.

be tolerant.
show compassion.
have a little – a lotta - faith.
keep courage in our hearts.
practice a little patience.
give a little.
reap. sow. love.

peace.

forty one

comparison is the thief of joy.

let’s count the blessings that exist. the love that is shared. the beauty of our lives. how glorious life can be. is.

we can be happy. and share.
we can be ambitious. and work.
we can be wishful. and dream.
we can ask. and receive with faith.
we can tolerate what annoys us. and dismiss it.
we can envy. and be thankful for what we have.
we can disagree. and compromise.
we can hope. and work together.
we can love. and not be fear full.

peace.

forty

accept what comes to you each day.

it has been a bit of a tumultuous week. planning. problems. cancellations. and a big dose of compassion.

it could have been disastrous. but a bit of common sense. and a little faith. and a lot of energy. sympathy. empathy. has moved us forward to a good place.

all the turmoil and resolution has lead me to understand that patience is a virture. promises cannot always be kept. the best laid plans can go array. it will all work out in the end.

I am happier when I accept things I cannot change. whether big or small. stuff just happens. we can smile and say okay – let’s work things out, because there is always an answer. maybe not as planned. but either way. anyway. the best way is to simply say we’ll get through this. work together. no blame. no regret. just solutions. how lovely is that.

peace.

thirty nine

to affect the quality of the day is no small achievement.

my sincerest apologies for being a week behind. when I realized I missed last Thursday I thought I’d post a day late. then two days late. then three. etc. but as the time passed, it seemed the best course to just miss the week. chalk it up to the craziness of life. so sorry, post thirty nine, you take a free pass.

so I’m back. with my head screwed on a little straighter. albeit somewhat spinning still.

the decisions in my life. your life. our lives. seem unrelated. but as I see increasing degrees of non-separation. hear more and more people talk about a small world. I realize how tightly our everyday decisions are linked. and impact the so-to-speak big picture. long term. big time.

decisions are made on impulse. or with deep thought. and I am finding that much thought and research goes into mine these days. following the rules and bending/breaking the rules walks a fine line. justification. tolerance (oh there’s that word again). interpretation. kindness. perspective. empathy. faith. the process is soul-searching. heart-wrenching. fact-driven. an unlikely trifecta – but key to the outcome.

and I find that the heaviest weight is carried by my conscious. can I live with my decision. stand by it. explain it. not take pride in its outcome. but live comfortably in its shadow.

peace.

thirty eight

the possibility of a career change is near.

this is the year I am letting my license expire. I’ve debated for quite awhile now. it was such a milestone for me. the study. the testing. the achievement. it is what I have done, more or less, for the past 30 years. but it is not who I am anymore. and it is time to let it go.

it begs the question. what do I want to do when I grow up. is it odd to be in your mid-fifties and still ponder that question? there are days when I am perfectly content to be ‘retired’. and days that I miss the camaraderie of the office. the teamwork. the coffee breaks. and the work itself. I miss the people. and I miss the schedule. the paycheck, well, that was a lovely bonus.

so when I think of what now. how now. why now. there is not an easy answer.

I know I want to make a difference. help. hope. and when I search the employment ads there are no job opportunities that scream those qualifications. I want a job that is fun. and I say, stubbornly, that I am too old to do anything that I don’t enjoy. or with people that don’t enjoy me. a win-win there, I think.

so here’s to searching the want ads. putting my name in the hat. to rejection letters. and anticipation. a new outlook in growing up and moving on. to finding a place. where I can grow and prosper. to putting our heart and soul and a little muscle into the task and delight in the outcome. and move on. gladly.

peace.

thirty seven

the man who waits till tomorrow misses the opportunities of today.

death is an uncomfortable subject. not sure why. but when it comes into a life so early. a marriage so young. it is a conversation we should all join.

in the past few weeks I have learned of the lost of a former classmate. and a professor. and the husband of a friend. the latter strikes me hardest. although none are easy to fathom. but the situation of my friend, who retired just the week before to spend more time with her spouse, is heartbreaking.

do we learn from these life lessons? do we slow down. talk. hold hands. say I love you. with any more frequency? I hope we do. I know we can. I hope we will.

don’t put off till tomorrow. always kiss me goodnight. stop and smell the roses. dance like no one’s watching.

let’s practice and let’s preach.

peace.

thirty six

the simplest answer is to act.

our days pose a lot of questions. we fret. ponder. worry. wonder. work. and after all the inner and outer discussion, react. but wouldn’t it be wonderful to simply respond. listen. be open to the conversation.

we live in a reactionary world. on a good day some sort of stimulus will move us in a positive fashion. more often a catalyst puts us on the defensive. blinds us. makes us blame. and be ever so stubborn to change. acknowledge. accept or show tolerance.

we can act out of fear or love. so choose.

peace.

thirty five

your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.

I am cheating a bit today. sharing an old letter from a great artist featured on another blog (or two or three). it gives a most beautiful perspective.

June 19, 1937

Dear Cedric,

A strange thing happened to me today. I saw a big thundercloud move down over Half Dome, and it was so big and clear and brilliant that it made me see many things that were drifting around inside of me; things that related to those who are loved and those who are real friends.

For the first time I know what love is; what friends are; and what art should be.

Love is a seeking for a way of life; the way that cannot be followed alone; the resonance of all spiritual and physical things. Children are not only of flesh and blood — children may be ideas, thoughts, emotions. The person of the one who is loved is a form composed of a myriad mirrors reflecting and illuminating the powers and thoughts and the emotions that are within you, and flashing another kind of light from within. No words or deeds may encompass it.

Friendship is another form of love — more passive perhaps, but full of the transmitting and acceptance of things like thunderclouds and grass and the clean granite of reality.

Art is both love and friendship, and understanding; the desire to give. It is not charity, which is the giving of Things, it is more than kindness which is the giving of self. It is both the taking and giving of beauty, the turning out to the light the inner folds of the awareness of the spirit. It is the recreation on another plane of the realities of the world; the tragic and wonderful realities of earth and men, and of all the inter-relations of these.

I wish the thundercloud had moved up over Tahoe and let loose on you; I could wish you nothing finer.

Ansel

peace.

thirty four

what will you do today to make tomorrow better?

I am a list maker. grocery list. to-do list. vacation list. packing list. errand list. want list. wish list. honey-do list. not a mission impossible. but always open for and to procrastination.

in my current state of unemployment I have a lot of time on my hands. time that I should use productively. but I find it quite easy to whittle away the hours. on the internet. reading. writing. rarely cleaning. shopping. sometimes cooking. I have several causes to occupy the hours. and happily, newly established volunteer projects that will begin next month have begun to fill the idle moments.

but how to make tomorrow better? wow! I feel that is such a grand plan. a monumental task. some earth-shattering realism. in reality. in my heart. and soul. and head. I see. pray. hope. it is as simple as to become more graceful. gratuitous. gracious. be there. here. where I can do the most good. guide me. give me strength. and patience. with you. with me.

peace.

thirty three

put your unhappiness aside. life is beautiful, be happy.

there is no better advice than this. life is too short. too fragile. too fleeting. to live any other way. we can dwell on the negative. or focus on the positive. see the glass half empty. or half full – and filling rapidly. and oh how glorious a good day feels.

my post today is short and sweet. I am asking ever so nicely. please do not dwell on the bad. the sad. the hurtful and the hatred. it is not good for you. emotionally. physically. or in any other way shape or form. look at what you have. count your blessings. be grateful. gracious. forgiving. tolerant. be in love. share. break down. stand up. laugh. cry.

it’s so easy if you will only let go. let up. let in.




















(image courtesy mbartstudios on pinterest)

peace.

thirty two

never cut what you can untie.

I learned a great many things when I read The Gifts of Imperfection by brene brown. but I remember and reiterate three simple words. courage. compassion. connection.

her definitions are simple and beautifully stated (allow me to paraphrase) …

courage is to speak one’s mind by telling all in one’s heart. courage is acknowledging hurt and not run from it or hurt back. talk about the hard things. things that get in the way. the misunderstood. the mistakes. be accountable. and it takes courage to listen. it takes courage to forgive and move forward. cruelty is never brave.

the heart of compassion is really acceptance. it is impossible to practice compassion from a place of resentment.

connection is to receive with an open heart – putting judgment aside. for everyone involved to be seen, heard and valued. to make love a priority. hatred is destructive.

it is my mantra that we can choose love over fear. love always wins. perhaps the ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. in my house we hold hands.

peace.

thirty one

patience is a key to joy.

as I grow older I think life will slow down. but the days pass, it seems, even more quickly. I don’t think I am any busier. but the world around me is busy. bustling. sometimes incoherently so. folks so involved that they can’t look up. couples sit together at dining tables each with their kindle. people walk the street never looking up from their iPhone. the other day I was talking with a colleague and he picked up his android and started answering a text message. is the other person pinging on call waiting more important than me?

all the distractions of the world make me anxious. unfocused. distracted. and I find myself making a conscious effort to take note. to say pardon me. please. thank you.

I saw a television commercial the other day that spoke about how we all have 25,000 mornings to enjoy. and how and where we will enjoy them.

I want to say clearly. calmly. patiently.

peace.

thirty

you will be rewarded for being a good listener.

sometimes I talk too much. I have very strong opinions. I am open. I am honest. I am full of questions. need answers. I say what is in my head and in my heart. note to self: sometimes just be quiet.

even the most diplomatic thoughts. innocent ideas. simple conclusions. basic concepts. when voiced, come out wrong. a bit harsh. misinterpreted. the opinion not regretted. but better somehow restated.

it is said that the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said. I would add that the second most important thing in communication is to remain silent.

peace.

twenty nine

let go or be dragged.

I am a pinterest person. I love the creativity. there to share and return the favor. yesterday this proverb showed up. and while it’s not a fortune. it seemed apropos for omikuji.

there seems to be a lot of dragging going on these days. through the muck of politics. skeletons in closets. simple human rights. so many folks and factions – a fair bet to say all at one time or another – are intolerant of one another. whether presented as unique situations or day to day activities.

I am as guilty as anyone. I react. not always within reason. I pray for patience.

but the truth in the matter is if we took a step back. caught our breath. counted to ten. that initial upheaval would (maybe) dissipate and while the anger or hurt or frustration may linger, the lashing out – which I think mostly stems from fear – could be avoided. maybe. possibly.

we are taught tolerance. grace. kindness. we should practice what we preach. would. could.

one of my favorite sayings goes ‘you get what you give. so give what you want’.

another says ‘choose. it’s either fear or love, baby’.

both allow for the release. both require thought. both want for action. both beg for application.

I choose love.

peace.

twenty eight

much more grows in the garden than that which is planted there.

I am planning for a new garden. my front yard is empty where scraggly bushes and groundcover once stood. right now it is beautiful in its barrenness. but even more so as I draw. and dream. and prepare.

I study. try to learn the best for my purpose. I pour over design books and seed catalogs. the pages are bookmarked and dog-eared. all my choices would fill ten gardens. my eyes bigger than my stomach. but it is difficult to narrow down the selection. my wish list ambitious. my budget limited. my resources varied. my enthusiasm unsurpassed.

some will come to me by accident. happenstance. luck. good fortune. by donation. welcomed. unexpected. voluntary. some will be weeds. some wildflowers. beauty in the eye of each beholder.

I will start with a plan. to be worked on. improved. invested in. over a period of time. by trial and error. knowing there is always room for improvement. willing to accept the unexpected. I will have success. and failure. all started with vigor. laborious. at times tedious. always joyful. ever full of hope.

peace.

twenty seven

never underestimate the power of the human touch.

I am a hugger. a hand-holder. a contact person.

I try not to get inside your bubble. your personal space. but sometimes I am helpless against the gesture. it is part of how I communicate. I need that physical contact. to connect. to make a point. to emphasize. to empathize.

I saw a friend yesterday. the meeting was strange. out of sorts. and it later occurred to me that we didn’t hug as we usually do. and it left me wanting. the absence of that one loving friendly gesture left me sadly empty.

I read somewhere that ‘you are not here to save the world but you are here to touch the hands that are within your reach’. too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, simply the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn an attitude or an entire life around.

peace.

twenty six

small courtesies sweeten life.

there are a few things I believe in.

1. saying please and thank you.
2. holding the door open for the person behind me.
3. saying excuse me when I pass in front of someone.
4. letting others go first.
5. handwriting a thank you note.
6. saying I’m sorry.
7. teamwork.
8. tipping generously.
9. picking up after myself.
10. giving credit where credit is due.

oh the power of a kind word. thought. deed.

there is no quicker way to enlist a smile. no more sincere way to show respect. no simpler means to an end. and in the end always kindness matters.

you get what you give. so give what you want.

peace.

twenty five

if you speak honestly, everyone will listen.

so please hear this. forgive me.

I’m afraid I have lost my way. my path has been diverted by my own selfishness. the point to Omikuji was to give ‘encouragement, hope and ignite that spark to change an attitude'. to ‘share the inner goodness'. I have so digressed. fallen into a pit. a rut. of turmoil. just the thing that I was campaigning against.

I truly believe that when we share feelings we all learn. so hopefully my lamenting has done some good in an off- kilter way. and we have become all the better. stronger. for it. but too much whining is not healthy. and I have done plenty. but I do feel better when I have a good cry. and this venue has given me a way to sit and chat. and at times sob with shoulders shaking.

thank you for allowing me to wallow. but the time has come to snap out of it. for me. for you. for the general good.

get back on the upbeat. laugh out loud. be thankful. be humble. be graceful. be (sometimes) quiet. (and the hardest for me) let go of what I cannot change.

a very wise woman said ‘choose. the best thing about being human besides cowboys, sex, and chocolate is that every moment of everyday we get to choose. so choose, it’s either fear or love baby. I’m choosing love. what about you?'

peace.

twenty four

sit down with trouble - as if it were knitting.

for the past few weeks. months. I have been struggling. emotionally. even though all the elements are there for contentment. so many things don’t feel right. I am searching. seeking. not for happiness – it is there for the asking. and given freely. but for who I am.

I feel silly really. I am too old for this. but the more I read. listen. I learn that there is a conflict in us all. not for happiness necessarily, but for a few instructions.

there is love all around but I am feeling unwoven. unwhole.

do I need to find myself? or do I need to simply understand. I am not coping very well right now. I feel like a tattered bundle. ragged. knotted.

I am lost. I turn to Him for answers. grace. I find great comfort there and know that He guides me. he does not give me answers but strength. love. family. friends.

I trust. I hope. I am safe.

peace.

twenty three

find a peaceful place where you can make plans for the future.

today in a peaceful place I knew. the next few days, weeks, months, years will be difficult. I will waiver. stumble. but I will not fall. I pray for strength. courage. trust. I will believe in the goodness of what today has given me. the beauty. the joy. the love.

‘may you know beyond doubt or shadow that you are loved, and may your sky be blue enough for you to look twice. may you see the gifts hiding under piles of worry, see the dream behind the fog of fear, and find the time to take the long way home.’

today in a peaceful place, under cloudy skies, beside a babbling stream, amid extraordinary art and yet-to-bloom daffodils, with the company of cardinals and a tiny little bird I couldn’t identify, I knew. there is no planning really. there is just being. thank You.

peace.

twenty two

better than a thousand hollow words is one that brings you peace.

I am at a loss for words today. my mind is racing. my heart pounding. contentment eludes me. but this fortune spoke to me.

it is so very difficult to block out all the words that keep me from choosing love not fear.

I know the one word I seek is faith.

peace.

twenty one

do not let ambitions overshadow small success.

last night I met with a group of artists, crafters, home based business women. all successful in their own right. providing a unique product. a quality product. hand-made. with love. the purpose of the meeting was to discuss organizing a creative coop. a dream of one vibrant woman that could fulfill the dreams of many. and, potentially, realistically, a further reaching effect that could impact an entire community.

gathering this creative collective was in itself a huge success. not small. or insignificant. thirteen highly motivated souls. the pool of talent deep. and, with most, only the surface of potential rippled.

the ambitions of this group varied. the secret of success apparent. each with a wealth to offer. not only in their craft, but in their knowledge. creativity far reaching. in marketing. technology. business savvy. compassion. critique. consumers. and perhaps, above all, camaraderie.

different people with a common goal. like talents with a common thread. ambitions yes. some somewhat struggling indeed. but this first step. the enthusiasm enjoyed. the potential evaluated. the focus revealed. a very promising start.

peace.

twenty

it is worth reviewing some old lessons.

there is a wonderful website entitled Marc and Angel Hack Life. a running tally of practical tips for productive living. things I wish my mother had told me. things to start doing for yourself. extraordinary things happening right now. questions that will free your mind. pretty common sense stuff compiled for our reading pleasure. no reinventing the wheel. just a way to make the trip smoother.

lessons. comments. ideas. concerns. courageous thoughts. simplistic means. I’ll list a few of my favorites. my own learnings. wantings. wishings. that I should apply more often. a gentle reminder. so worth remembering.

1. communicate. tell people what you are thinking.
2. explore new ideas and opportunities often.
3. find work you love doing.
4. stop complaining.
5. ask a lot of questions.
6. listen.
7. live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.
8. be respectful of others and make them feel good.
9. sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes each day.
10. keep it simple.
11. accept and embrace change.
12. be kind and courteous.
13. laugh when you can.
14. apologize when you should.
15. let go at times.

peace.

nineteen

expect things of yourself.

the start of a year is a funny thing. a chance to begin again. refresh. renew. but I often wonder why I do not start again, when necessary, in February. or July. or insert minute-hour-day-month here.

I expect things of myself in this new year. to build on me. to be bold. daring. darling. courageous. courteous. gentle. determined. honest. and I think the last is the most important. be true to me and my family and friends and strangers. take a good hard look and listen at myself. I cannot fix me. I am what I am. but I can certainly take on those thoughts and hints and opinions and criticisms.

constructively.

there is a word. strong. sub-definable.

this is a challenging task for me. I am an emotional gal. and I take things to heart. and that very vulnerable part of me beats. cracks. breaks. bruises. easily. but I believe in myself. although there are days when I have to fight for the conviction to be imperfectly me.

I am a good person. I know I can be a better person. wife. mother. friend. girl behind you in the check-out line. and when combined with a strength from the power in others. a more positively me.

so that is what I can do. should do. will do. with a deep and baited breath. try. try again.

peace.