thirty nine

to affect the quality of the day is no small achievement.

my sincerest apologies for being a week behind. when I realized I missed last Thursday I thought I’d post a day late. then two days late. then three. etc. but as the time passed, it seemed the best course to just miss the week. chalk it up to the craziness of life. so sorry, post thirty nine, you take a free pass.

so I’m back. with my head screwed on a little straighter. albeit somewhat spinning still.

the decisions in my life. your life. our lives. seem unrelated. but as I see increasing degrees of non-separation. hear more and more people talk about a small world. I realize how tightly our everyday decisions are linked. and impact the so-to-speak big picture. long term. big time.

decisions are made on impulse. or with deep thought. and I am finding that much thought and research goes into mine these days. following the rules and bending/breaking the rules walks a fine line. justification. tolerance (oh there’s that word again). interpretation. kindness. perspective. empathy. faith. the process is soul-searching. heart-wrenching. fact-driven. an unlikely trifecta – but key to the outcome.

and I find that the heaviest weight is carried by my conscious. can I live with my decision. stand by it. explain it. not take pride in its outcome. but live comfortably in its shadow.

peace.

thirty eight

the possibility of a career change is near.

this is the year I am letting my license expire. I’ve debated for quite awhile now. it was such a milestone for me. the study. the testing. the achievement. it is what I have done, more or less, for the past 30 years. but it is not who I am anymore. and it is time to let it go.

it begs the question. what do I want to do when I grow up. is it odd to be in your mid-fifties and still ponder that question? there are days when I am perfectly content to be ‘retired’. and days that I miss the camaraderie of the office. the teamwork. the coffee breaks. and the work itself. I miss the people. and I miss the schedule. the paycheck, well, that was a lovely bonus.

so when I think of what now. how now. why now. there is not an easy answer.

I know I want to make a difference. help. hope. and when I search the employment ads there are no job opportunities that scream those qualifications. I want a job that is fun. and I say, stubbornly, that I am too old to do anything that I don’t enjoy. or with people that don’t enjoy me. a win-win there, I think.

so here’s to searching the want ads. putting my name in the hat. to rejection letters. and anticipation. a new outlook in growing up and moving on. to finding a place. where I can grow and prosper. to putting our heart and soul and a little muscle into the task and delight in the outcome. and move on. gladly.

peace.

thirty seven

the man who waits till tomorrow misses the opportunities of today.

death is an uncomfortable subject. not sure why. but when it comes into a life so early. a marriage so young. it is a conversation we should all join.

in the past few weeks I have learned of the lost of a former classmate. and a professor. and the husband of a friend. the latter strikes me hardest. although none are easy to fathom. but the situation of my friend, who retired just the week before to spend more time with her spouse, is heartbreaking.

do we learn from these life lessons? do we slow down. talk. hold hands. say I love you. with any more frequency? I hope we do. I know we can. I hope we will.

don’t put off till tomorrow. always kiss me goodnight. stop and smell the roses. dance like no one’s watching.

let’s practice and let’s preach.

peace.

thirty six

the simplest answer is to act.

our days pose a lot of questions. we fret. ponder. worry. wonder. work. and after all the inner and outer discussion, react. but wouldn’t it be wonderful to simply respond. listen. be open to the conversation.

we live in a reactionary world. on a good day some sort of stimulus will move us in a positive fashion. more often a catalyst puts us on the defensive. blinds us. makes us blame. and be ever so stubborn to change. acknowledge. accept or show tolerance.

we can act out of fear or love. so choose.

peace.